A couple of days has passed and I have finally reached a point where I have determined where I am emotionally on the murder of Charlie Kirk. It was an emotional roller coaster ride for me not because I was a fan or supporter of Charlie Kirk, but because no one deserves to be killed or die that way. No matter what your beliefs, opinions or political affiliation, you shouldn’t be murdered for them. I struggled with this because I didn’t agree with him on his approach or view of different topics and I had my own opinions of him as a person. But again no one deserves to be murdered the way he was, especially in front of his wife and children.

Because I disagreed and had my own opinion of him as a person, I struggled and had to examine my own heart because I think I was more upset with the act that was committed against him maybe than I was about his actual life being taken. This was a serious matter of the heart for me. I spent a great deal of time searching my heart and asking God if I was wrong that I was having this struggle. A man’s life had been taken live before our eyes, why am I torn and having this emotional battle over my feelings about it? I definitely was not celebrating his death regardless of what I thought of him and his beliefs! I definitely was not happy or relieved about it! But at the same time, I wasn’t exactly broken up by it either. I was just stuck in the middle emotionally.

As with a lot of others I took to social media to see what was being said and discussed regarding what happened. I saw many people paying tribute to Charlie Kirk and his life and supporting him for his work. I was careful not to pass judgment on them for their feelings and emotions that they shared. I can honestly say that in my mind I went back when the lawmakers in Minnesota were killed in their homes by someone that didn’t agree with them politically, I didn’t see this outpouring of sympathy and grief. There was nothing. No posting of tribute, grief or any concern over their lives being taken. But I quickly had to change course in my thoughts because I would have allowed it to take me down a road of darkness that would cause me see this as some type of justification for my feelings towards this situation. That would have further increased the emotional struggle that I was already experiencing.

What realized was that we are going in a very, very dangerous direction as a society and country. We have allowed political figures who have agenda’s that don’t include or benefit us as a people, to dictate how we see, relate and interact with each other, We have allowed these political figures to determine whether we choose to walk in love or hate one another. We have completely taken God out of the equation and based our lives on what political figures and advocates for those figures tell us to do. This I think why there is so much divisive thinking and behavior in our society. It is a very much “you’re either with us or against us” mentality right now. There is no middle ground at all! And it is only getting worse.

But I pray for the family of Charlie Kirk. Because at the end of the day he was a husband to his wife and a father to his children and no one deserves to lose either! I also pray for the healing that is needed for our country, because it is needed! And finally I pray for the examining of the heart of each and every person in this country, because I believe that is the ultimate need for us all.